What does the Bible say about parenting and raising children?

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Short answer

Scripture treats children as a gift and parents as their primary teachers, and it aims most of its instruction at the parent rather than the child. The core is short:

Children are described as a gift and a reward, not a burden (Psalms 127:3; Psalms 127:4).
Parents are to teach faith in the ordinary run of the day, not only in formal settings (Deuteronomy 6:6; Deuteronomy 6:7).
Fathers are twice told not to provoke or embitter their children (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21), which is a limit on parental authority written into the same passages that establish it.
Discipline is treated as an expression of love and care, not of temper (Proverbs 13:24; Hebrews 12:5; Hebrews 12:6; Hebrews 12:11).
Children are told to honour and obey their parents (Exodus 20:12; Ephesians 6:1; Ephesians 6:2; Colossians 3:20).

One thing to note honestly: Proverbs is a book of wise generalisations, not guarantees. Proverbs 22:6 is often quoted as a promise that a well-raised child will certainly return to faith. Read as a proverb rather than a contract, it says what usually follows from good upbringing, and Scripture itself shows godly parents with wayward children (1 Samuel 8:3; 1 Samuel 2:12). Parents carrying guilt over an adult child's choices are often carrying a weight this verse was never meant to place on them.

Question

What does the Bible say about parenting and raising children?

Analysis

What parents are told to do

Instruction	Where
Teach them, constantly and ordinarily	Deuteronomy 6:6; Deuteronomy 6:7; Deuteronomy 11:19
Tell them what God has done, so the next generation knows	Psalms 78:4; Psalms 78:5; Psalms 78:6; Exodus 12:26; Exodus 12:27
Bring them up in instruction, not just rules	Ephesians 6:4
Do not provoke or embitter them	Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21
Discipline them, and do it out of love	Proverbs 13:24; Proverbs 29:17; Hebrews 12:6
Provide for them	2 Corinthians 12:14; 1 Timothy 5:8

How Scripture frames discipline

The word covers instruction and correction, not only punishment, and the model given is God's own dealing with his children: discipline is described as evidence of love and belonging, as unpleasant at the time, and as aimed at a harvest later (Hebrews 12:5; Hebrews 12:6; Hebrews 12:7; Hebrews 12:10; Hebrews 12:11).

Christians differ on physical discipline. Some read the rod passages in Proverbs (Proverbs 13:24; Proverbs 22:15; Proverbs 23:13; Proverbs 29:15) as commending corporal correction; others read the rod as a shepherd's implement of guidance (Psalms 23:4) and hold that the New Testament's stress on gentleness and not provoking (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21; Galatians 5:22; Galatians 5:23) governs how the older material applies. Both sides agree that anything done in anger, or that embitters a child, is excluded by the text itself.

Mothers and fathers

Both are named. Instruction is credited to mother and father together (Proverbs 1:8; Proverbs 6:20), a mother's teaching is honoured (2 Timothy 1:5; 2 Timothy 3:15), and the commandment to honour names both parents (Exodus 20:12). Fathers receive the direct commands in the New Testament household passages, which in that setting addressed the person holding legal authority.

What is not promised

Scripture does not promise that good parenting guarantees a particular outcome, and it does not present any human parent as the source of a child's faith. Eli and Samuel are both shown as faithful men whose sons went another way (1 Samuel 2:12; 1 Samuel 8:3).

Sources, trace every one

Every cited verse, in full. Tap any reference to open it in the reader.

Psalms 127:3bsb
Children are indeed a heritage from the LORD, and the fruit of the womb is His reward.
Psalms 127:4bsb
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are children born in one’s youth.
Deuteronomy 6:6bsb
These words I am commanding you today are to be upon your hearts.
Deuteronomy 6:7bsb
And you shall teach them diligently to your children and speak of them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Ephesians 6:4bsb
Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath; instead, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Colossians 3:21bsb
Fathers, do not provoke your children, so they will not become discouraged.
Proverbs 13:24bsb
He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.
Hebrews 12:5bsb
And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not take lightly the discipline of the Lord, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you.
Hebrews 12:6bsb
For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastises every son He receives.”
Hebrews 12:11bsb
No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields a harvest of righteousness and peace to those who have been trained by it.
Exodus 20:12bsb
Honor your father and mother, so that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.
Ephesians 6:1bsb
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Ephesians 6:2bsb
“Honor your father and mother” (which is the first commandment with a promise),
Colossians 3:20bsb
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is pleasing to the Lord.
Proverbs 22:6bsb
Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
1 Samuel 8:3bsb
But his sons did not walk in his ways; they turned aside toward dishonest gain, accepting bribes and perverting justice.

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